The Usual

Ah, yes, Monday. Blissful and kind, Monday. Beautiful day of the week.

This morning, like all others, had the normal drone of a weekday. I hear the animals, looking for food. The shower let’s us know someone needs to go to work. Extra noise with another person. The kitchen sounds are a rush as well. Drip coffee, microwave food reheat. All rushing noisily to push us into the day.

Emily out early, scraping through the door loaded down. Our houseguest not seen at all, but can hear the shower and other bathroom noise. I am moving silently through all except for the noise in my head screaming.

Finally, all quiet or gone. Same thing. Into the car with the noisy clutch that squeals and squeaks when it moves.

Now in the gym, which assaults you with clangs and grunts as you walk in but quiets down in short minutes to a low hum with no definition as you clang and grunt on your own and your noise takes up all room. Soon the pain of the movements pushes out all sound. All that’s left is the noise of moving, inside your head.

Driving again, same noises but muted by the exhaustion which pulls your hearing away from the car.

Home and back to the morning noise of the shower and dressing. But quieter because no one is here.

Driving bing to work. The traffic is silent, no matter how many cats. The meditative nature of driving can remove all excess noise from outside your head. Or, blast away other noise with the radio.

The office is like the library. All day. No noise whatsoever. A morgue with live corpses, working. Quietly. Hours pass with head down working on very unimportant and silent tasks. Cursing the work breaks the spell with sudden noise which is gone immediately.

Goodbye they leave one by one. A few minutes without the noise of their breathing. I leave to join the silent race home. Quiet not quiet enough.

Stop. The store is an assault of noise that can not be stopped. Bright lights make it noisier still. The sound of people rushing to buy food and go home. They hate the noise too.

Home. Not quiet anymore. Happy voices and noises. Not trying to quiet all but letting the sounds wash over me and take them in. Assaultively loud meal with all, compares to silence of the day. This loudness comforts.

Bed. Peace. Loudest mind of the day. Screaming between my ears. Lay down and wait for it to stop.